


Smelling Wildflowers

by runningkin



Series: Five Senses [2]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4638342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningkin/pseuds/runningkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Wyatt has known Leslie Knope for a while now, and he's beginning to suspect he has feelings for her, but he's not ready or sure anyway. He just wants to be around her for now, see her blue and smell her wildflowers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ben Wyatt has known Leslie Knope for a while now. He got approved by Ann, and he studies with her every afternoon on the bench in the courtyard. Sometimes, when she's tense, they go out and have some beers. Leslie talks a lot, and it seems like she trusts him enough to talk about things she wouldn't tell him if they had just met. Which is why he knew about Dave.

Dave was a red-headed boy who wasn't in any of their classes because he actually didn't take any classes. He was training to be a cop and did online courses. Even so, Ben was terrified of even the idea of meeting a cop-in-training, and avoided doing so as much as possible. Some nights, Leslie wasn't at the bench. The first few times, he called to check in. She was with Dave. Those days he felt too alone on the bench without her. Those days he either studied in the library or just went back home and studied in his room.

One day, as he's passing by the courtyard, on his way to another building, he spots her. She's in her favorite red coat even though the weather is warm. She's looking down but there's no binder or papers.

He runs over to her.

Even from a yard or two away, he knows she's crying. Not loud, hard sobbing, but she sniffles and lifts her quivering finger to her face.

"Leslie?" His voice is shaky. He doesn't know if he should whisper or not.

She pats the space beside her, and he sits in it, body turned to face her, elbow on the backrest of the bench and his other hand on his lap.

"What's up?" He asks.

She turns her body, but her head is still facing he shoes. She motions with her arms for him to come closer, and he scoots towards her. Soon, her arms are under his armpits so that her hands are pressed against his upper back and her head is on his shoulder, eye closed against is throat so he can feel her eyelashes, soggy and short and ticklish but he doesn't laugh. He can feel her body vibrate with every raspy breath she takes.

He embraces her, too, his satchel still on so he has to move as little as possible so the brass buckle won't hit Leslie in the eye. He pats her back.

He closes his eyes and he forgets about everything, including to freak about about missing what he was going to do. He continues to pat her back, and then to rub her neck with his thumb. After a while, she stops whimpering, each breath calm and sturdy.

She choses to speak. It breaks the trance. "Dave left."

He stays silent. He knows she's going to keep on talking. He doesn't bother.

"He's moving. To continue his training."

He feels her eyelids shutting tighter, and she pulls him closer so that her nose is now also against his throat, her ear against his chin. He can feel each breath on her skin. He can smell her scent. She wears perfume that smells like wildflowers. It smells so real he doubts it even is perfume. It probably is actually real wildflowers, and the warmth of the Sun.

He continues to stay silent.

"I liked him. He was nice to me."

When she speaks, her top lip brushes against his skin. When she speaks, the feeling in his stomach he has every time they're together knots in it's self. It hurts but he stays still for her.

"I'm going to miss him. I really am."

"I'm sorry."

And now it's her turn to fall silent. He doesn't mind. His breathing is steady now, too. She's warmer than usual, on her face and on the tips of her fingers and on her stomach and chest. His eyes are still closed and every time he breathes in, her wildflower scent makes him picture a long field of flowers. Their petals are the same color of her hair, a pale butterscotch. The Sun that shines on them is feverishly warm like her.

—

When his watch beeps and they have to part ways, he asks if she's okay. She gulps and nods her head quickly, but her hands are fists and her eyes are clenched shut. He brushes some strands of hair out of her face, and she grips onto his fingers, her palms pressing against his joints. She squeezes his hand twice, both times looking up at him with glassy eyes, and then she stands, without his help.

He walks with her out of the courtyard, and then he says goodbye to her. He watches her walk away, and when she's far enough away that if she turns around, he won't see her eyes, he turns around, too.

He knows it's too late to go to his club, so he sits down in his car and turns the air conditioning on. He reclines the seat so that he's laying down, and throws his satchel into the back seat. He closes his eyes and presses his thumbs against his eyelids and watches the strange shapes that form in the dark. He does this until he doesn't feel sweaty anymore.

He puts his seat back up and clicks on the seat belt. His whole drive home, her words replay in his mind, only that she's shouting them. It's like she wants him to know that she will miss him. He wants him to know that she liked Dave.

—

He has nothing to do when he gets home so he naps. Andy and April wake him up. They tell him he was shaking and whimpering a lot. April tells him that he was being annoying. She leaves when Andy asks him what's wrong. Ben tells him that he's fine, and that he doesn't recall anything from his dream, if he even had one.

He washes his face off in the bathroom sink and takes off his shirt so that he's in a white undershirt and he removes his belt and untied his shoes and strips off his socks. He stares at the ceiling for a while. Leslie's voice is a whisper now. He wouldn't know what she was saying if it wasn't etched in his mind.

He took some Asperin and has started working on a project when his watch beeps. He puts on a coat and slips on his shoes with no socks and gets in his car. He drives by the campus courtyard, but there's no sign of her. That's what he expected. He drives back and finishes his project with noise canceling headphones. Now, everything is completely silent, even in his mind. It hurts more than Leslie's voice shouting. It makes his hands tremble but he continues writing, he drinks some water and continues typing up his essay on his laptop. He forgets to eat, and when he showers, he stands his back to the showerhead so the water falls on his shoulders.

He turns off the lights and locks his door. He calls Leslie, the light of his phone flooding the room with a white glow that makes his eyes burn. It rings and rings and he yawns and then he goes to voicemail. He holds the phone away from his ear when the beep sounds so it doesn't worsen his headache, and then he leaves his message.

"Hey, Leslie. I passed by our bench and I didn't see you, so, uh, I wanted to check in to see if you're all right. I hope you're okay. If you need anything..." He goes to hang up, but he thinks of something to add. It makes the feeling in his stomach shake. "Also, um, maybe we can go out and have a beer some time." He apologizes and hangs up.

He thinks about what he apologized for; Dave breaking up or him asking her on a date. A semi-date. It wasn't romantic, was it?

He's asleep by then.

He dreams that he's soil, one with earth. He's looking up at the sky. It's blue and there's white clouds that don't move, so perfect and beautiful that it looks like a painting. There's a Sun, too, but it's so bright and big and white-hot that it's a big shiny blotchy dot on the canvas. He can see a woman. She's planting seeds in the soil. She waters them, him. And then she's gone. Time passes, night never falls, but the seedlings grow into wildflowers, their roots digging into him. Soon, she comes back. She's dressed in yellow and is accompanied by a faceless boy in red. They sit in the field. They chatter. The wind that passes by is colder. He feels colder, he envies the faceless boy. And the boy rips a flower out of his skin, and it doesn't hurt as much as watching the boy put the flower in her hair. She smiles and they kiss. They kiss all the way out of the field, holding hands so hard their knuckles are both white like the Sun. They want to have eachother for a long time. Time passes, night doesn't fall.

The flowers all wilt.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, he has 3 missed calls and 18 texts. They all tell him to call back. The caller is Leslie. He does so.

"Ben! Finally. I'm taking up your offer. I need to go out," She pauses. "And get some fresh air." He begins to agree but she speaks over him. "Okay! That's great! See ya!"

It's a Saturday. He dresses in jeans and a t-shirt. April and Andy are sleeping on top of eachother on the couch with a rug as a blanket. Cheese puffs litter the ground. He doesn't care, but he can't help but turn off the T.V.

He drives to a bar near campus, one he hasn't taken the time to learn the name of. Leslie is talking to someone amiably outside. Her hair is a mess, and she's still wearing her red coat. The only thing he notices different is that she isn't wearing any makeup. She waves at him energetically. She probably hasn't slept at all. She most likely drank a few Redbulls and pulled an all nighter. He waves back once he steps out of the car.

—

She's completely drunk in a few hours. Though Ben stuck to beer, she ordered shots of liquor of each color, two at a time. Every time, she whooped. She cackles when she isn't drinking. She's telling Ben about Dave. She says she likes his hair many times. She speaks about him like they're still dating. All he does is nod. After a while, he asks the bartender to stop giving her drinks. He even pays extra for the bartender to completely ignore her.

At some point, she began crying. She wiped her eyes with her wrists, like her fingers were too dirty. She hiccups so violently that her whole stool wobbles every time. He's smiling at her, and she's smiling back, except when she smiles she slumps forward with the arms twisted and her eyes closed halfway. He finishes his fifth beer, and then he helps her up. His stomach clenches, and he gives up on acting as a crutch and carries her full-on. She's heavy, but he walks fast and ignores her. She's complaining and joking all at once. The second he lays her down across the back seats, she's fast asleep.

He drives to her dorm, in silence. He begins humming but he stops. It doesn't feel right when she doesn't hum with him. She doesn't even talk in her sleep. At her dorm, he props her against the wall to knock. Ann answers, and together they lead Leslie to her bedroom. He waits outside the bedroom door and listens to Leslie complain about a headache. Ann stays inside with her, telling Leslie she'll feel better when she wakes up and if she doesn't, she'll give Leslie medicine.

When Leslie is silent, Ann comes out and takes him to the couch, and he notices a bunch of workout material that were not there the first and only time before now that he has visited. He remembers Chris and Ann making out at Tom's party.

"What did you do to her?"

He's confused. "I took her to the bar this morning, to get her mind off Dave or whatever."

Ann eyes him suspiciously. He remembers how she approved of him once. She'll probably revoke that in a hearbeart. "Then she wasn't with you last night?"

"What?"

Ann sighs and leans into the couch. "She didn't come back last night. She usually goes on those study dates with you and I though you did something to her."

She's watching him through the corner of her eye but he pays little attention to that. He's more invested on the feeling he's getting in his stomach. Study dates?

Ann gets up, she realized he wasn't paying attention. He watches her. She pours herself a glass of soda and then another. She goes back to him and hands him a cup. He thanks her. They watch T.V. He thinks he did well, not getting his approval revoked. Ann turns to him.

"You better take care of her, or I'll murder you in your house."

He believes her, taking a sip of soda. His throat is dry.

—

When he hears the door open, two hours have passed. Ann is asleep on his arm so he sits still for her. The T.V is still on and he hopes Leslie will hear it and check in. Instead, he hears the bathroom vent turn on, followed by a sickening wretching. He closes his eyes and scolds himself for letting her get drunk.

He hears her step into the shower. She makes no sound. He starts counting, it makes him calm down. He gets to 239 when the water stops running and the bathroom vent turns off. Eyes still closed, he hears her feet on the tile floor and the door click shut.

He wonders if she fell asleep and he starts sitting up when Ann rolls over so her earring is digging into his elbow dimple and he has to stay still so it won't rip off some skin.

His breathing is getting faster and he focuses on the T.V. He's so concentrated on staring at the screen that he forgets to pay attention to the actual show. When he hears the door open again, it's like he's being snapped back into reality after being under hypnosis. He moves his face to glace over the side of the couch and he sees Leslie.

Her hair is tightly pulled back and she squints her eyes, mouth scrunched and ears red. She's wearing a long sleeved shirt and jeans, and she steps into the kitchen barefoot. She pours herself a glass of water and, leaning her head against the microwave, she gulps it down swiftly. She pours herself another glass, but this time she makes herself walk towards the couch, dragging her feet on the ground.

Her voice is raspy like she burned her throat and cried at the same time. "Ann?" She spots him, too. "And Ben." 

He watches her put her cup on the coffee table, and shake Ann, who rolls over on his arm until she finally sits up, allowing him to do the same. Ann rubs her eyes and looks up at Leslie like a tired child.

"C'mon," Whispers Leslie. "I need some waffles."

Ann wrings her arm around Leslie and pushes herself up from the couch. Ben looks down at his watch. "Breakfast at 5?"

"Breakfast food shouldn't be restricted to the morning." Answers Leslie, holding a hand out for him, which he takes.

He helps Leslie put on her shoes, and then they both stand by the door while Ann gets dressed.

"Thanks." Says Leslie.

"Anytime." He doesn't know what she's thanking him for, but he knows that his reply will always be the same.

—

Leslie makes him drive to JJ's. He puts on music but turns the volume down to 5. Ann hums along to it, now awake and aware. Leslie also hums, but she sounds sadder. Ben glances at Leslie through the rear-view mirror. She's looking out the window grimly, the setting sun's rays catching on her hair. It's the same color of gold in old paintings.

When the step in, Maria sits them at their usual table. Leslie orders some waffles, Ann orders some oatmeal. Ben orders coffee. He doesn't have to specify.

Ann comforts Leslie the way only a best friend can and he burns his tongue the first sip he takes.

"Like you always tell me," Ann says to Leslie. "Men are pigs."

Ben looks at the coffee in his cup and the feeling in his stomach loops once per word that comes out of Leslie's mouth after that.

"Yeah, Ann, you're right. You always are, you beautiful, magestic sea lion."

Ann nods and swallows a spoonful of berries and soggy oatmeal.

"Dave was nothing to me. He's a pig."

And both of them smile but Leslie breaks eye contact with Ann after that. Ben knows it's because her eyes are clouded with sadness and she doesn't want Ann to see.

Ben clears his throat. "Where were you last night, Leslie?"

Leslie looks at him, mouth full of waffle, and Ann nods. She wants to know, too. Leslie holds up a finger, chewing and swallowing and playing with her fingers.

"I walked around. To think."

"About what?" He wants to keep talking.

"I don't know." She sighs, holding her cheek in her palm. "I'm not really sad about Dave. I'm sad about... Someone else."

She shoves a whole waffle back in her mouth before someone else can talk. Ann doesn't mind.

"You know, I have an idea. Maybe use an online dating site."

Leslie smiles, waffle crumbs falling out of her mouth. She uses her fingers to keep the breakfast food inside her mouth as she nods. She begins speaking but her words are unintelligible. When she finally swallows, she hugs Ann that she chokes on one of her blueberries.

"Thank you, Ann, you genius redbird." 

Then, she orders another plate of waffles. Even extra whipped cream.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has started this week, meaning I have to spend most of my time in either class or doing homework after class, so I am mostly too busy to write. I usually write late at night between 11 pm to 2 am, but this is no longer an option due to school and my want to do well in it. Therefore, I will probably only be posting and/or updating works during the weekends or on holidays etc. Hopefully, I'm able to complete all stories. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience.

Two days later, Ben spots Leslie kiss Tom. He's far away but he sees them clearly. He stops walking. He was headed to a class on the other side of campus but he turns and walks through the nearest door. Students eye him but the image of Leslie and Tom connected by the lips are burned into the back of his mind.

It follows him around all day, taunting him. He imagines it drawn on a sheet of paper being shoved into his face. When he remembers the actual scene in his mind, they seem to glow, like a beacon of unwanted public display of affection in a thick throng of students rushing to be on time. He's late to class, and he pays no attention to the lecture, not even when the professor scolds him. He just scowls at his binder.

He sits alone at lunch. He tries to zone everyone else, to eat his food and pick up his stuff and maybe study if he's up to it, but his mind is only capable of muffling them. His brain is moving to fast to focus. He hears Tom joke about it—the kiss—after explaining what happened. Everyone seems to have saw it, starting with Chris. In his mind, Ben choses not to forgive Tom. He's still envious, except his envy is red and hot and not green. In the real world, he doesn't have to forgive or to not forgive. In the real world, he just eats fast and has his area cleaned up half an hour than usual, which is already too quick for lunch.

Leslie is their for their afternoon study date. That's what he calls it in his mind after Ann's comment. It comforts him. He hopes if he says it enough, if it sinks in, he'll just eventually forget to remember about the event in the hallway, but, though he thinks about it little, he still does. It's what makes him stop every sentence and look up.

Leslie is running late, she texted him saying so. He glances at his watch, hoping that maybe it will whisper when she finally will be coming. As he checks his watch and taps his pen to his bottom lip, he sees her running towards him, coat open and scarf flying in the wind behind her.

"Hey!" She's smiling. She's not wearing lipgloss but she does wear smokey eyeshadow. It doesn't match what she is wearing but it's not his place to comment. "Sorry." She says. He attampts to say it's okay. "Ann had a breakdown. Chris broke up with her."

"A while ago." He says, shuffling around s few papers to look busy.

"A while ago?! You knew, too? Ann didn't know he broke up with her till now. What a jerk." She speaks to the empty space beside her opposing Ben, but he still looks up at her jaw and ears and eyes and hair and smiles.

"Anyway." She shakes her hands. "I gotta take this stuff off my eyes. Ann sometimes rants while putting on makeup and when she runs out of places to put eyeliner on she uses me." She sounds upset about it, but she smiles at her reflection in the makeup box she takes out of her bag, wiping away the thick powder with baby wipes.

He watches her, still flipping pages and clicking his pen to appear that he is focused when he is actually staring at her side profile while she takes binders out of her bag and pens and white out and he looks at her when she drops multiple colored pencils on her lap and he tries to help but his hand brushes over her crotch and he tries to play it cool but his hands are shaking.

He continues his work. Most of it is done in complete solidity, his only company beside him, also studying quietly. He begins conversation by asking how she is. Next, she's giving him a scrapbooking lecture. He listens to her, he actually does, but he doesn't have anything to scrapbook. Like he wants to make a nice book about his family or his childhood. He chuckles at himself in his mind. He goes back to work to get it out of there.

After a while, she stands, walking away in the dark like a torch but less firey. She waves and says bye. He waves back and looks at his binder and counts until hes at 164 and then he also packs his stuff and uses his phone flashlight to his car.

—

Andy and April are nowhere to be seen. Champion lays on the couch, and theres spider webs and orange-and-black streamers hanging from the cieling and he thinks of Halloween in five days, falling on a Saturday. They probably focus more on parties ans party decorations than in school, he thinks about that in the shower. He laughs to himself. He brushes his teeth and poses in the mirror. He thinks about his costume. He thinks about not wearing a costume. He choses latter, and then he's asleep.

—

Days pass and he enters the room one afternoon and gets slapped in the face with the cold torso of a plastic skeleton. He goes to his room and listens to the music through his walls. Champion is curled up at his feet. As the minutes tick by, the music is drowned by laughter and talking. Ben goes outside. He spots Chris with another girl, who he learns is Millecent. She's attractive but she's nothing to him. He looks for another, different blonde head. He finds it dancing by herself, accompanied with Ann.

Ben lingers in the kitchen. He drinks a soda, eats some candy from a bowl shaped like a jack-o-lantern and listens to April tell him that his costume is good, and that it's super cool that he decided to dress like a nerd. He doesn't feel offended. People pass by and greet him. "Hey, Ben." "Wassup Jell-O Shots." "Hi." He greets them back but he doesn't make eye contact, he's looking for her.

She comes dressed up as young Hilary Clinton. He didn't guess that, which is why she told him like she was telling a toddler that monsters don't exist and they won't come out of the toilet bowl and bite your butt.

"So, Ben, how are ya'. What are you dressed up as?" She appears to genuinely think about it, but she's stumped.

"I'm a nerd."

"Ah." She says, nodding with her head tilted to the side, looking absent-mindedly at his shirt.

He drinks some liquor without asking what it is. It burns his tongue and it's like drinking water with ice except the ice is peppermints and swallowing. It's bittersweet. He's a little tipsy, but not drunk, when the party starts thinning cause it's late. He acts drunk, though, so he can dance with Leslie when a slow song comes on. She's short, so when they dance she wraps her arms around his upper chest and she puts her head against his chest and neck. She fits exactly under his chin. They rock and sway together. The song is long. By the end of it, he is drunk, but off her scent.

He blinks and he thinks of wildflowers, and he's there. She's their, too. They're dancing, just like before.


	4. Chapter 4

He wakes up in his bed, alone. He exhales. He gets up, noticing he's fully dressed, shos included under his covers. He steps outside. There two or three people not counting him and his roommates. Leslie is on the couch. She's got her face against the back and her hair is spread out. He says her name in his head and he realizes it's his favorite word. Blue like her eyes is his favorite color. He looks at her from far away, groggy and tired and still sleepy. He smiles. He doesn't know why he does so, and April doesn't hesitate to ask.

"Nothing." He retorts.

He stands beside Leslie. He whispers her name. She doesn't move at all except for when her sides go up and down. With gentle hands, he shakes her. She stirs.

"Wha?" Her voice is soft and low and she sounds like a baby, stretching over the arm rest. She squints and then her eyes are wide. "This is not my dorm."

He reveals his teeth and maybe also his gums. "No." He answers, slow because he doesn't know how much she's processing right now. He knows for a fact she doesn't sleep that much and when she sleeps more than her usual 4 hours, she's off. "This is not your dorm. Would you like for me to take you to your dorm."

She nods, eyelids scrunched so that she looks like she's having a nightmare. He helps her up and takes her to the bathroom. He has an arm over her shoulder and palm against her shoulderblade while she washes her face and looks at herself in the mirror. He sees Andy's reflection, but when he turns around Andy ran away. He doesn't care, though. Only Leslie matters. Leslie. Her name is like the title of a song. It's a happy song. The word sunshine and wildflowers and beautiful are in it. He keeps this to himself when she asks him why he looks so happy. He says he had a good dream. This is true.

He dreamt he danced with her all night, to a slow song that never ended, and had no lyrics, just the instruments and noise.

He helps her into the passenger seat, and then he helps himself into the driver's seat. He turns on the radio and puts it on the classic music station, where the songs have no lyrics, just good noise. They hum nonsense because they don't know the song.

—

She tells him the next day at their spot Ann's got a new boyfriend. She tells him this every day for a month. After the first week, she stops saying "new boyfriend" and instead says "new guy". The third week, she accidentally says "boy toy". They laugh it off and Leslie apologizes to Ann to him, because she's not there and he's better than nothing. This makes his cheeks feel pink and like many different thumbs are being pushed against his skin.

One day, she's sitting with her bag on the ground by her feet and her hands to her sides, and her body is slumped in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable just by looking at her. Her eyes are closed and her head is against the backrest.

"You okay?" He asks her, sitting down beside her without taking anything out from his bag.

"Yeah." She says, and she opens her eyes and unzips her satchel and takes out her binder. He does the same. But even when she tells him she's okay, he notices she hasn't opened her binder, and her eyes are pressed shut like she wants to force herself to sleep.

—

He's sitting on his bed, ready to go sleep any moment. There's a quick knock on his door and drags himself off the bed. He lags but open the door by the 8th knock. 

She's standing there with a sweater over her pajamas. She's even in her slippers. Her car is parked on the grass and he sees she's tired. He knows how late it is, even for her. He steps aside, hand still on the door, and she enters. The door closes behind them and she sighs, looking down. It's a sad sigh, and he knows she's going to say something that's been bothering her. "Hey."

"Hey."

They sit together on the couch, legs folded underneath her. He puts his arm over the backrest and his temple against his shoulder.

"What wrong?" He asks her.

"Just... Well, you know Ann? I mean, of course you do. What I mean is, you know how Ann has been dating a bunch of guys," She pauses to let him nod, something she only does when she really wants him to pay attention. "Well, Mark asked her out a long time ago, and I said it's okay but she's such a beautiful angel and put his offer off as long as she could. But now..."

He waits for her to finish. She looks off, grimly, somberly. "I don't care about him, them together, you know? It's just that... It's weird."

"It's bothering you."

She nods. "I don't want to be alone right now. When I feel like this, I usually go to Ann but, you know..."

He grins in a half-way frown, a way of showing her that he sympathizes with her, and is willing to help.

They sit there for a while. He asks if she wants to drink anything or watch T.V but both times she politely says no.

He feels a certain way, sitting there, watching her be upset over a guy being with a girl. He is jealous. He wishes he could be Mark, except that instead of spending the evening with Ann, he's spend all the time with Leslie. There comes a time when his cheeks hurt and he is just uncomfortable and feels his body want to cry, or at least feel that way. He stands.

"I'm gonna go to sleep, maybe, be right back." He gathers a pillow and some blankets out of a hallway closet. She takes them from him and sets up a sleeping space on the couch. They say goodnight in the dark after he turns off the light. When he's under his covers again, he hears her tossing and turning. 

He doesn't sleep, he thinks too much about her in the next room, seperated by a wall. She's still but he knows she's awake. He stares at the clock while he thinks, not actually looking at the time. It's when the door creaks open that he actually does. 4:17. He moves his neck to her, his body paralyzed.

"Hey... Can I sleep with you? Not in... Can I just lay down with you."

Poising himself up with his elbows and lower biceps, head against the headboard he thinks. He doesn't have to think much.

"Sure." His voice is a rough whisper, but that's enough for her.

She closes the door with her leg as she lays herself out sleepily on the mattress that creaks underneath her. She shuffles around and he holds up the covers for her. She's sits there beside him, breathing. And then she scoots over against his whole side, her two arms against his left one, her legs and feet cold against his ankles, head on his shoulder so her breath is like a tiny breeze on his collarbone. He supresses a shiver evh time she breathes. They become steady and her eyes don't open anymore. He feels a silent tear being absorbed into his shirt's fabric.

He never though he could be so happy just breathing her. He's lightheaded and he imagines his head is a balloon. The feeling in his chest was so strong, it felt like nothing, and if Leslie's head wasn't on his shoulder, and arms weren't around his own, rooting him down, maybe he'd just float away and one day pop with so much contained emotional as he's leaving the atmosphere.

—

He doesn't remember falling asleep, or what his dream was. He opens his eyes and though there's morning cataracts in them, he doesn't move a muscle. His hearts still beating and his breaths are jagged and his nose is burning from the scent of wildflowers, as if there actually are wildflowers in his nose and he uses his free arm to touch. He's literally breathed her hair in. He pulls it out and smiles to himself, not wanting to laugh and wake her, biting down his tongue.

She's still asleep and doesn't want to wake her, he wants to feel like this forever but he'll take as long as he can get. He watched the sun rise slowly, first a smudge of pink in the blue sky and then a deep red and then an orange to a light so bright he has to look away. He counts her breaths and then waits to see if her breathing ever matches up with the ticks of his alarm clock that he, thankfully, forgot to set. She mutters something, to Ann. It's about a boy and he remembers why she came to him.

Well, he thinks, Mark isn't the one she's holding onto. So he can fuck himself.

And he smiles until she wakes up 2 hours later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing less and with this final chapter I will be putting this series on hiatus. I know I've only written 2 out of the 5 I plan to write, but I have a reason, or three. 1) Is that I have school. I don't like staying up late on school nights, and I usually pass out as soon as I sit down on the bed, and at night is the only time I have to write 2) I'm really busy over the weekend. This is a tough school, plus I'm new so I have old friends and new friends to juggle, as well as a new girlfriend. So I can't write on the weekends 3) I've hit writers block for the next book, so even if I wanted to write, I don't have anything to write about. So sorry!

For his birthday, Ben decides to invite everyone to a roller skating alley. Leslie shows up in the strangest getup yet, and rolls right into him. In a hushed voice, she asks if she can hold onto him as they skate. When he asks her why, she scowls and says "Because it's your birthday!" and when he asks if it's because she's never skated before she looks offended and says "I've skated before!"

She confides in him moments later when he's helping her onto the alley that the last time she was at this place she was in a date in high school and she broke her kneecap and was dumped. She holds onto him extra tightly. He doesn't know if the stunned glaze over her eyes is out of fear of falling or fear of another thing going wrong at the skating alley. He doesn'g mind, because he's  
got Leslie Knope's nails softly poking at his shoulder blades. It's the best birthday present he's gotten.

Leslie turns out to be an excellent skater, but every turn they take, her grasp around him tightens and she leans back like she's trying to keep herself from toppling over, but all it does it makes it worse. He holds her upright, tells her she's okay. She nods and her cheeks are flushed and they're dancing in the rink. Her arms slowly move down from his shoulders until their holding the tips of each other's fingers, and then they both let go.

Side by side now, they skate circles and circles around everyone else, who slips and wobbles and hold onto the walls like toddlers. Leslie even begins dancing to the music that plays on the speakers, swaying and closing her eyes and shaking her hair around, her bangs swishing over her face and he stares at her and it's like it's her birthday party, not his. He smiles.

And at some point they're sitting at a table, back against the surface, panting with their skates still on and bothh of their hair tussled and he's drinking water and sweating and she's panting like a hyena and chuckling like one, too.

The party is over, the time had come, but around Leslie, time seemed to freeze. Everything could freeze for Leslie. He tells himself that time can't stop, that's  
scientifically impossible, but he also tells himself to shut up, that he knows what he means. He sips his water and nods, eyes on Leslie when friends walk past saying final byes and happy birthdays.

She catches his eye, even though he thought she couldn't have and she smiles, and then he can't see any part of her except her hair. It smells like sweat and grease but also wildflowers and he feels nostalgia and happiness and somberness all at once and it mixed like a bunch of different powders being batted around in hot water with a spoon, turning a dark and dangerous color.

"That was fun." She says into his jaw. "Happy birthday."

She's the last to leave because, though she's exhausted and still panting after sitting around for a 6 minutes, she must make sure everything is the same way it had been when they walked in. She waves at him on her short trip to the door and then leaves, until it's him surrounded by people he doesn't know.

He pops in a few quarters into a shooting game and plays but it's harder than he looks and he gives up. He's tired out anyway, and even if tomorrow's a weekend, he needs his rest. He buys one last soda and says bye to the people giving out shoes and leaves. It's dark out and the crickets sing instead of the morning's birds and his car is cold. 

He turns on the headlights to max and pulls out and drives into the street, and his lights pass over Leslie's figure, and he rolls down his window, poising his elbow over the door and slows the car to match her steps.

"Hey!" He calls, even though she's looking at him, squinting. "Why are you walking?"

"I told Ann to just go home already, and we came together. I didn't notice that if she left I'd have no ride."

"Pretty late to realize."

She laughs and nods. He says "C'mon, I'll be your ride."

She says thank you a total of seven times, he says you're welcome three times. She begins humming R.E.M's 'The One I Love", which he too had stuck in his head. They danced together to that one, and he twirled her and it turned out okay. He sang, and then she joined in.

—

He saw her in the hallways and she said hi the next day, they sat together at lunch and Ann joined. They talked about boys, and whenever one of them asked him about boys he'd answer simply. He just chewed on his salad and gaze at Leslie. When she asked, he acted confused, like he had spaced out. She bought it, and it excused him for the whole lunch.

They met up in the afternoon, but she had no binder.

"No more thesis." She replied when he questioned. "I finished it."

And they did their homework in a form of solitude that included two peopls over one. It was a good silence. At the end of it, he packed and stood over her, looming without casting a shadow. He had to say her name for her to notice him waiting.

"You wanna go eat lunch together tomorrow? Somewhere real and nice?"

She said yeah, and smiled. They walked together, even though their dorms where on the opposite side of eachother.


End file.
